Emotional Sobriety: An Inside Job
Have you ever had an intense emotional moment where you reacted in a way you later regretted? Have you ever felt so helpless, convinced that things will never get better—that you will never not become completely dysregulated, with emotional reactions that far outweigh the situation that triggered them?
Maybe you've spoken harsh words in anger or hurt. Maybe you've found yourself looking to your children for emotional support, unintentionally making them responsible for your well-being. If any of this sounds familiar, be honest with yourself. I know I have been there.
In the past, I let my emotions dictate my actions. My triggers ruled over me. I was not emotionally sober.
What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Un-sober?
Emotional un-sobriety can show up in many ways:
Blaming others for your problems
Rapid mood swings
Pushing emotions away rather than dealing with them
Feeling overwhelmed and unable to stay present
Sudden outbursts of anger, extreme irritability, or difficulty calming down
Self-harm, substance use, or impulsive behaviors
Struggles with maintaining healthy relationships
It can interfere with your work, your social life, and the way you show up in your relationships. You might:
Yell at a loved one over a minor issue
Burst into uncontrollable tears in public
Engage in risky behaviors when stressed
Withdraw from social situations for fear of emotional outbursts
Struggle to focus because your emotions feel too big to manage
I know—this paints a bleak picture. And honestly, it is sobering.
But here’s the good news: you are not a bad person. You are not broken. You just need help learning a new way.
Emotional sobriety can be learned. It can be practiced. And I have the map to help you find your way.
What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Sober?
Being emotionally sober means that you can sit with your emotions without letting them define or control you. It means:
Accepting the present—not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future
Viewing struggle as growth—seeing challenges as opportunities rather than setbacks
Having healthy self-esteem—knowing your worth without feeling “less than” or “better than” others
Practicing gratitude—shifting your focus to what you have instead of what you lack
Living in the moment—not constantly revisiting old wounds or worrying about what’s ahead
Checking in with your feelings—pausing long enough to understand what’s happening inside you
When you learn to lead your emotions rather than being led by them, you will begin to fiercely protect your emotional sobriety.
Just as someone in recovery from addiction avoids situations that may tempt them, when you become emotionally sober, you’ll become more protective of your peace. You’ll develop self-awareness, self-management, and relationship skills that help you stay grounded.
The Pillars of Emotional Sobriety
Self-awareness – Recognizing your emotions and how they impact your behavior
Self-management – Controlling your reactions and impulses
Social awareness – Understanding the emotional needs of others
Relationship management – Communicating effectively and building healthy connections
How to Begin Your Emotional Sobriety Journey: The R.E.S.T. Method
When you feel emotionally overwhelmed, try this four-step process:
R – Rest
Remove yourself from the triggering situation—physically, emotionally, or mentally. This could mean walking away, ending a conversation, or even just pausing for a deep breath.
E – Evaluate
Ask yourself: What is really happening here? Is my nervous system responding as if I’m in danger when I’m actually safe? What deeper wound or belief is being triggered? (A therapist can help with this step!)
If you uncover a core fear like “I’m not good enough” or “I am unlovable,” name it. Name it so you can tame it.
S – Set Your Intention
What experience do you want to create? Do you want to foster connection instead of conflict? Do you need space to process your feelings? When you slow down enough to set an intention, your nervous system begins to regulate itself.
T – Take Action
Follow through on your intention. Maybe that means offering an apology, seeking support from a trusted friend, or scheduling a session with a therapist. Do the thing that moves you toward healing.
This is just one step in mastering your emotions rather than being ruled by them. Remember, your emotions are valid, but they should not be in the driver’s seat.
Set aside some time this week to practice your steps toward emotional sobriety using the R.E.S.T. method.
And as always, I’m here to support you in any way I can. You are never alone on this journey.
