Monkey Chatter
Monkey Chatter
There’s a saying that often pops up when people talk about transformation and change. You’ve probably heard it: “A leopard doesn’t change its spots.”
I used to argue that this wasn’t true. After all, I’ve changed my “spots,” haven’t I? But a dear friend once said to me, “No, Shelli—you were never a leopard. You just got into some monkey business and started acting foolish like a monkey.”
And honestly, I can’t argue with that. You know I love a good monkey metaphor.
Let’s run through some of my favorites:
Stop monkeying around
Monkey see, monkey do
Monkey business
Get the monkey off your back
Throw a monkey wrench into the works
Make a monkey out of someone
Don’t monkey with it
But today, I want to zero in on one specific monkey phrase: “Monkey chatter.”
What Is Monkey Chatter?
When I say “monkey chatter,” I’m talking about that pesky, malicious inner dialogue in your mind. You know the chatter I mean—it’s sneaky, mischievous, and constantly trying to trip you up.
Now here’s the question: Can a monkey lose its chatter? Better yet, can a monkey mind be changed?
The answer? No. A monkey will never completely lose its chatter. But when it comes to transformation, a monkey can absolutely change its chatter.
When the Chatter Doesn’t Change
Let me give you an example of when a monkey doesn’t change its chatter—but desperately wants you to think it has:
Chatter, chatter, chatter. Oh, I can hear it now.
If you’ve been around long enough, you know the jungles I help women navigate—jungles of toxic relationships, abuse, and those infamous flying monkeys. And in those jungles, the chatter from those foolish little critters often sounds like this:
“I’ve found God. I’ve changed.”
“I’ve turned over a new (banana) leaf.”
“I’ve grown so much since then.”
“I went to therapy (two sessions). I’m a new person.”
Sound familiar? These are hollow words from someone trying to convince you they’ve changed when, in reality, their monkey mind hasn’t shifted at all. These monkeys are still swinging from the same trees, and they will never give up that banana! The chatter is the same; it’s just dressed up in a different banana suit.
Changing the Monkey Chatter
True transformation doesn’t start with someone else’s promises—it starts with your own inner chatter.
If you want to take that monkey-business brain of yours and turn it into something productive, you have to address the chatter in your own head. And let me tell you, this is hard, intentional work.
It’s about identifying the mischievous voices telling you:
“You’re not enough.”
“This is all your fault.”
“You’ll never be able to do this on your own.”
And then replacing them with powerful truths:
“I am worthy of respect.”
“I don’t need someone else’s approval to know my value.”
“I am capable of creating a life free from toxic chatter—both mine and theirs.”
The 3,000 Intentions
Transformation doesn’t happen overnight. Scientific research shows it takes approximately 3,000 repetitions or intentions to rewire your brain’s neuropathways. That’s not an instant fix—it’s a process that could take six months or longer, depending on how consistently you practice mindfulness and intentional thought.
If you’ve found yourself caught in a victim mindset—thinking, “Poor me, everything bad keeps happening to me,” or *“I’m unhappy because of someone else’s behavior”—*you’re listening to some serious monkey chatter. And that doesn’t disappear overnight.
You need 3,000 separate times to intentionally replace those old thoughts with new ones.
Rewriting Your Story
Let me give you an example from my own life.
I used to think incredibly unkind things about myself. Subconsciously, I’d tell myself things like:
“I sound dumb.”
“Something is wrong with me.”
“I’m helpless.”
“I’ll always be stuck.”
Then one day, a coach said something that changed my perspective:
“The reality you experience is shaped by the story you tell yourself. If you want to change your reality, you need to change your story.”
That’s when I began to interrupt those toxic thoughts. When I’d catch myself thinking, “I’m helpless,” I’d replace it with: “I’m in process.” Or instead of, “I’m stuck,” I’d say, “I can get support.”
The Dirt Road of Your Mind
Here’s a picture to illustrate this:
Imagine your thought patterns like an old dirt road. It’s deeply rutted, worn down, and easy to drive on autopilot. You’ve traveled this road so many times, your car could steer itself.
But transformation requires you to leave the dirt road and forge a new path. The first time, it’s bumpy and slow. You’re intentional, hands firmly on the wheel, dodging rocks and tree stumps. It’s tempting to go back to the familiar road. But if you keep taking the new path—over and over—it gets easier. Eventually, the old dirt road becomes overgrown, unrecognizable.
How Long Does It Take?
New clients often ask me, “How long will this therapy take?”
My answer? “As long as it takes.”
It’s up to you. Will you stay on the old dirt road, or will you intentionally start practicing new thoughts—again and again? The truth is, most people quit. It’s not easy. But for those who stick with it, the reward is immense: a new road, a new story, a new life.
Transformation is possible. But it takes courage, consistency, and an unflinching willingness to quiet the chatter that keeps making a monkey out of you.
So stop monkeying around with the same old stories. Start rewriting your inner dialogue today. You’ve got this—and I’m here to help you navigate that jungle.
So Much Love,
Shelli
