You are what you THINK.

In my practice, I witness ALL kinds of heartache. In witnessing their stories, I hear the unspoken stories. I hear the messages about you; you know the ones, often they are the untrue messages etched deep inside your spirit.  I hear these messages and lies you have been believing about yourselves as a result of your hurtful, stormy past events.  

Eventually, I will ask, you, “And what does this story mean about you?” It may take a series of drill down questions from me, but you and I will eventually discover that negative belief of self. In session, it could start out with my client sharing about a conflict with her partner, resulting with her yelling and storming out of the room.  Her partner then ignored calls and texts from her.  I do eventually ask the golden question, “What does this mean about YOU?” To that question my client may reply with something like, “They don’t respect me.”

I redirect.

“Well that tells me about THEM. THEY don’t respect you, but what does that mean about YOU?”

Sometimes they struggle to get there, but we eventually do get to the negative belief. Most of the time, the negative belief is a critical attack on self. A few negative belief statements of self I have helped my clients unlearn are:

I am unworthy 

I am unlovable

I am broken 

I am flawed

Something is wrong with me. 

I’m bad

I’m alone 

I’m stuck (trapped)

The stories you tell yourself have a profound effect on the wiring of your neural pathways. The wiring of your neural pathways has a profound effect on your stories you tell yourself.   As long as these messaged continue to travel down these old neural roads, you will live in this reality. The story you tell yourself creates the reality you currently live.  

Change your story, change your reality.  

Have you ever heard of the old phrase, “you are what you eat?” Well I am here to tell you that you are what you think and speak about yourself.  When you internalize a negative message, then affirm it with negative self-talk like "I'm broken," it influences not only your own behavior but also how others perceive you. If you believe you are broken, you will act in ways that reinforce that belief, and those around you will begin to treat you accordingly.  There is a lot of research and data that supports this statement. But there is hope; a simple remedy. Yes, I said simple; not easy.

There is hope.  

You have the power to change your mindset, and in doing so, you can change your circumstances. In my practice, and personal experiences,  I've seen countless examples of individuals who have transformed their lives by shifting their self-talk. In my personal life, I've also experienced this and it began with the humility and power of seeking professional help to unlearning negative thought patterns. 

Unlearning comes first!  

Traditionally, the foundation of your negative  thinking  is based on an untrue narrative you conceptualized as a child.  Implicit or explicit messages reached your nervous system and you had to compensate and survive a difficult event with your own child like conceptualization.  Children tend to blame themselves for hard things if they don’t have an emotionally mature caregiver to help them process hard things. They will make up stories in their mind for felt safety. This is a simplistic explanation to a complex scenario.  Simplistically speaking, your logical brain becomes hijacked by your emotional younger brain. So you may need to take some time to unlearn through the help of a trauma therapist or coach before you begin learning to tell yourself new stories.  

The Reality you experience is embedded in the stories you tell yourself.  So in order to turn things around, you have got to start telling yourself a different story. I’ll say it a different way. If you want a new reality in your life, you need to start telling yourself a different story.  This transformation begins with your will and determination to change the story.  Even if you don’t yet believe the story. 

Examples of different stories you can tell yourself:

I am worthy

I am loved

I can get support

I am enough

I have abundance

I am good

I am ok

I am in process (my favorite)

If I don’t always believe the new story yet, the phrase I speak over myself is, “I am in Process.”  If you are a client of mine, then you are very familiar with this phrase.  

YOU ARE IN PROCESS

Here is why I really like the statement “I am in process.”

It is gentle. It isn’t a lie. The truth is, we are all in process. We all could actually improve in some way, because we are not perfect. If you work with me long enough, you will hear this phrase often. You are in process. The other thing I really like about the statement “I am in process,” is that I can’t let shame run the show.

Shame begins most sentences with, “I should be more____________” (patient, smart, kind, calm). When I hear the statement “I should be more ________,” I will redirect my client every single time to the statement, “You are in process.”

It sounds gentle and compassionate and carries an energy and belief of grace. That is what your soul needs… grace or belief of grace. Your soul does not need harsh statements and stories that are not true about you.

It starts with you…

The reality of your experience begins with the story YOU are telling yourself. 

Sending you so much love,

Shelli